legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
