For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she peed on how many people?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
