note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
