Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
