I think I died a long time ago.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize