I hate your face
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
how does that bad decision feel?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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