i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
