You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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