called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
