a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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