Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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