My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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