Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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