After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
