We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
