none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
