She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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