That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
