His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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