hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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