I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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