If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
