so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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