Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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