I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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