He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
