i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
