I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
