Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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