so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She announced her abortion via fbk
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
