She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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