i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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