i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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