three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
