My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
