Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize