i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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