yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
