:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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