How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
