You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm gonna have a badass scar
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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