Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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