You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
