I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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