I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
