Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize