we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
