Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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