i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
