Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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