I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
