new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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