My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
