My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
