Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
