Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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