Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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