Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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