Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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