Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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