So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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