she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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