the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Randomize
