apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's never too late to be topless.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
