Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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