Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
