I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
