i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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