I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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